Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Damn victory sex feels great
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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