She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
