We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
