I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
