I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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