he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
