I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
