im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
