she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
