You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
