A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
