it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
