you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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