Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Someone signed my nipple.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
