I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
