I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
