gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
