Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
