like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
