There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I cut my penus on the lid.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
