I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
