then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
