What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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