Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
