i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
