enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
