Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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