OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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