i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
