I think I won the penis lottery.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
