Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
