no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
