i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
