my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
