He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
