I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
