he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
