I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
