So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
