pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
