dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
