Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
