Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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