I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
