This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
