I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
