He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
