He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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