I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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