when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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